Life is good.

Sometimes I need a reminder. It's so easy to get bogged down with the things that are happening in the moment. When I step back and look at the big picture there is very little to complain about. I have a steady job, a solid house, a healthy child, fantastic friends, a car that runs (for right now at least!). We are predisposed to want more, but my goal is to be happy with what I have. It's pretty great.

The things you can do with a phone!

I love my new phone! We'll see whether or not being able to blog from it will make me do it more often.

On being the bigger man

Or woman, or person....
A situation has come up, once again, and I find myself torn. Life has landed me in a rather sweet position where work is concerned. I have the ability to set my own hours and leave when I want to. Now some of that is based on how busy things are, and some of it is offset by the guilt I feel when it seems I am not putting in enough time, but on the whole, if I need to leave early I can. I try not to take advantage of it. The staff work harder and are calmer when I am there.
My ex has already asked me to leave early four times this year and we are only six weeks in. Now he wants to get out of being a parent again (and mind you he only parents for 15 hours or less a week as it is). It wouldn't be hard to suck it up and switch things around to accommodate him. But, do I really want to? Is his Valentine's celebration with his fiance a good enough reason to? What do I get out of this situation? You might think that he has offered to keep her on his day off, or that he plans to take her for a weekend, but you really don't know him well in that case. Sometimes I really wish I was the bitch that people (namely his fiance and her family) think I am. I have tried to treat this split with grace and dignity. I refrained from taking him to the cleaners. I have financially bailed him out on more than one occasion since the divorce. I try not to complain or rant about his poor parenting in front of Wyn. I'll admit that being free of the mood swings and daily temper tantrums is pretty good compensation but at some point I would like to not have to be the bigger person.

The Weight of Limitations

I'm a dancer. I'm a mother. I'm a type A overachiever. I'm a thirty-something pencil pushing desk jockey. I know who I am. Thanks to dance, I like who I am. I am strong. I am self-confident. I am comfortable in my skin.

I dance with some of the most beautiful, amazing, generous women I have ever known. They make me smile. They are there for me when I need to vent. And they, along with the dance, have helped me to accept who I am. I am not always strong, but my self-confidence is no longer a facade that I have to try to maintain.

And yet it only takes one comment (read overly modulated rant) for me to question my ability to dance. Does knowing ones own limitations and asking others to respect them make a less dedicated dancer?

I'll admit it. I don't practice every day in front of a mirror. My every waking hour is not consumed by this art form. It is my release. My downtime. My fun.

I know these women I dance with. I know which one can't keep time, which one has the most subtle cues. I know what move that one likes best and that this one hates this move above all others. I am aware of my sisters as we dance. I know when they are tired and their brains too fried for the new combo I want to try. I know with barely a glance what they need from me. And I know that if I want to do certain things I sometimes have to wait untill certain ones have taken a break. And I know when I need to take a break too.

I know my limitations. Does the knowing, and accepting, of these limitations make me a weaker dancer? Is it unfair to ask my sisters to acknowledge my limitations as I acknowledge theirs, so that we may be a more cohesive whole?

For me perfection comes not from the fanciest tricks, but from the ability to take six separate beings and watch them become one amazing unit. I don't think that can be achieved without give and take from everyone involved. To dance as a group is to set aside personal wants and individual grand-standing. We have strengths beyond our limitations.

Random Mussings and Bookclub Love

Where has the month gone? I can't believe February is almost over. I was good to myself this year and didn't make any resolutions that I would fail to keep and feel guilty about all year, but the lack of a goal has me floundering so I have decided that 2010 will be the year of the purge. I have become (read probably always was) something of a pack rat and it needs to stop. It's hard when stashing is a common practice among crafters, and add to that the feeling of guilt whenever you toss a school paper or childhood toy. But I am resolved! I will reclaim the house for a useful purpose as opposed to the storage warehouse it seems to have become. Goodwill here I come!

The end of the month is wrapping up quite nicely at least. Our book club, Broom Book and Needle, had it's second meeting on Sunday and I am so loving it! I don't know how many other clubs have four hour long meetings.... It helps, of course, that the members of said club are women (and one lone man) that I love dearly and that they were all humoring me when I first brought the idea to the table. The last two meetings were over The Mists of Avalon, and while I found it hard to stay interested in it for some reason, it was interesting to hear the thoughts of so many others. The next book is Margret Murray's The God of the Witches. I can't wait to hear what will be said.

The month is ending on a huge up note! We leave Friday for Milwaukee to participate in Tribal Union. I get to spend the weekend with some of my favorite people, pick-up new skills and perform with my girls. How much better does it get?

Ending with a Bang!

November was as quiet as October was busy but December made up for that!

We had Wyn's ninth birthday
an early full moon that Juniper led

a fantastic Yule party

and Twelfth Night with a blue moon at our place.

A Month Most Magikal

The last six weeks have been busy! Between work and dance I spent more time on the road than anything else. I have been subbing for Melanie at Kahraman as well as taking lead for unda. Having to teach has made me a much more focused dancer and I hope that I don't lose that now that I am back in the ranks so to speak.

October has always been one of my favorite months. The cold damp air, the fall colors the bounty from other people's gardens… seriously who doesn't love it? This year October was especially full. We started with a wiccaning for Bailey. This was the first group ritual that Juniper has been in charge of and it went well. She used a blessing that I had written for Wyn as a focus and I admit I was flattered.
Next came Samhain, Lisa hosted the party this year (and it was a smashing success) and I led the ritual. The plan was to write a new one but as I was preparing I found the one from '05 and remembered how much I had liked it. I expected the ritual to only be three or four people but instead we had eight. I am always nervous leading new people and I am glad I kept it simple. We used a pomegranate and an apple and then threw into the fire slips with what we wanted to be rid of in the coming year. It ended with cider and corn bread.

Juniper and I had planted broomcorn and used it to make a besom for our friend Elisabeth. She had just moved into her first place, and her birthday was this month, so we took her bread and salt to bless the house.

We spent All Soul's Day celebrating the full moon with our fledgling coven. The children all joined in as well, we howled at the moon, gave her an offering of milk and each of us received a blessing. It finished with cashew moon cookies and mulled cider.

I think it was by far the best ending to a year I've had yet. We still have to smash our pumpkin to find out how many months of good luck will be coming to us but all in all it was a beautiful month.