Monday, January 31, 2011

The Weight of Limitations

I'm a dancer. I'm a mother. I'm a type A overachiever. I'm a thirty-something pencil pushing desk jockey. I know who I am. Thanks to dance, I like who I am. I am strong. I am self-confident. I am comfortable in my skin.

I dance with some of the most beautiful, amazing, generous women I have ever known. They make me smile. They are there for me when I need to vent. And they, along with the dance, have helped me to accept who I am. I am not always strong, but my self-confidence is no longer a facade that I have to try to maintain.

And yet it only takes one comment (read overly modulated rant) for me to question my ability to dance. Does knowing ones own limitations and asking others to respect them make a less dedicated dancer?

I'll admit it. I don't practice every day in front of a mirror. My every waking hour is not consumed by this art form. It is my release. My downtime. My fun.

I know these women I dance with. I know which one can't keep time, which one has the most subtle cues. I know what move that one likes best and that this one hates this move above all others. I am aware of my sisters as we dance. I know when they are tired and their brains too fried for the new combo I want to try. I know with barely a glance what they need from me. And I know that if I want to do certain things I sometimes have to wait untill certain ones have taken a break. And I know when I need to take a break too.

I know my limitations. Does the knowing, and accepting, of these limitations make me a weaker dancer? Is it unfair to ask my sisters to acknowledge my limitations as I acknowledge theirs, so that we may be a more cohesive whole?

For me perfection comes not from the fanciest tricks, but from the ability to take six separate beings and watch them become one amazing unit. I don't think that can be achieved without give and take from everyone involved. To dance as a group is to set aside personal wants and individual grand-standing. We have strengths beyond our limitations.